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‘Build the Ramp!’
Stephen Colbert has said at various points throughout the Trump presidency that he can’t believe he’s still surprised. But on Monday, he found himself stunned by some of the tweets President Trump had sent out over the weekend. In one, Trump decried a loss of jobs — in China, not the United States.
President Xi of China, and I, are working together to give massive Chinese phone company, ZTE, a way to get back into business, fast. Too many jobs in China lost. Commerce Department has been instructed to get it done!
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) May 13, 2018
Colbert pointed to various instances from the 2016 campaign when Trump had criticized China for taking jobs from the United States. As a presidential candidate, Trump accused China of “the greatest jobs theft in the history of the world.”
“This is directly opposed to everything Trump said. I can’t wait for his next tweet: ‘Have you heard about all the problems in Mexico? We’ve got to let these good people into our country. Build the ramp!’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Colbert said that ZTE, the Chinese telecom that Trump now says he is supporting, has been accused of spying on Americans by the C.I.A. and the F.B.I.
“As an American, I do not want some Chinese company spying on me. I want Facebook to do it! Thank you for your service, Facebook.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
Meyers on White House ‘Corruption’
Seth Meyers on Monday criticized what he said was the corrupt culture at the White House. He zeroed in on Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, who sent $130,000 in hush money to Stephanie Clifford, the pornographic film actress.
“Trump’s cabinet has had one corruption scandal after another and his personal fixer was literally selling access to the president. Trump didn’t drain the swamp, he bottled it and sold it as Dr. Trump’s Miracle Healing Elixir.” — SETH MEYERS
Meyers showed photos of Cohen and Rudolph Giuliani, saying he had trouble trusting either.
“Look at these guys, they look like they should be playing cards in the back of a butcher shop, waiting for someone to call them and say, ‘It’s done.’ If they weren’t aides to the president, they’d have competing strip clubs outside of Secaucus.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Mother’s Day Edition)
“President Trump made a Mother’s Day video where he called his mom ‘a great person, really warm and really smart.’ Which could only mean one thing: Trump was adopted.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Today was Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg’s birthday. I don’t really care, I just wanted to give away some of his personal information.” — SETH MEYERS
The Bits Worth Watching
Did you know that was a young James Corden on the “Seinfeld” theme?
The “Late Show” team poked fun at the Trump administration’s divisive decision to endorse Israel moving its embassy to Jerusalem.
What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night
Jamie Foxx, the host of “Beat Shazam,” appears on “The Late Show” on Tuesday.